


Double First

by LargeBeefFriedRice



Series: Terrible Tom Imagines [2]
Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Farmer Tom, Gen, Nutter Tom, Other, Parody, Terrible Tom Imagines, still not funny, tom hiddleston - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-28 23:28:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15717288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LargeBeefFriedRice/pseuds/LargeBeefFriedRice
Summary: Imagine you are some kind of assistant and have been hired on to help the one and only, Tom Hiddleston. Who would have guessed that it is actually a hard job? Or that actors are crazy?Based on the Terrible Tom Imagines Blog on Tumblr.#2: It's supposed to be a vacation. But as usual, you never get a day off.





	Double First

**Author's Note:**

> Hello,  
> Welcome.  
> Let me start off by saying that if you have a Tumblr then please go follow @TerribleTomImagines and @LyingTom (the fabulous creator).  
> Once on the Terrible Tom blog, you should check out all the incredibly funny and genius people who contribute to it!  
> Definitely, don't follow me. It's not worth it. (Unless you want direct links to the specific imagines that inspire each one-shot. But even then you could just go to the actual Terrible Tom blog.)  
> Thank you.  
> p.s. This is just for fun. I do not think anything terrible about Tom Hiddleston or really imagine him this way.

Do you remember in high school when they asked you where you thought you’d be in ten years? 20 years? What would everyone be like at their 50th reunion?

Well, you never could have imagined that at ANY of those reunions when asked what you were up to these days that your answer would be, ‘Working for a celebrity who I had to lure into my car after he ran around on the road naked asking people if they knew about Tom’s Nut Farm.’

Can you imagine the looks on your former classmates’ faces? Surely they wouldn’t believe you! Actually, now that you think about it all those NDA’s that you signed might stop you from being allowed to talk about that incident. Hm. Let’s backtrack.

~

“But do you really have to leave for two weeks?” Tom groaned while rubbing a hand through his beard. While fans loved the beard stroking, anyone associated with the agency recognized it as a bad sign. He was thinking too hard on something and it almost never ended well.

“I’m going to my apartment,” you paused at his huffing noise before you corrected yourself, “my **flat** for this time off. You’re not working, so I’m allowed to not work.”

His blue eyes just watched you intently almost as if not buying any word you were saying. This did not bode well. It wasn’t like this was the first time you weren’t around to help him. You never accompanied him “across the pond” and you had taken a week off at Christmas to visit your family.

But apparently, two weeks was pushing it for your overgrown man-child client.

“Who’s going to-”

“Luke hired a cleaning lady to come Tuesday’s and Friday’s until I come back. You better be nice to her! It’s not even in my contract to clean your house and I’m hoping she’ll agree to stay on as at least once a week help.”

“What if I get a call-”

“The only people who are going to call you are friends, family, or Luke and you are perfectly capable of answering the phone. All other calls go to Luke. As they have for the last six months now.”

“But how am I going to prep for-”

This time you interrupt him with a quickly raised pointer finger, before grabbing the iPad off of the side table and handing it to him.

“Your schedule is all on here. Literally every little detail of your next two trips. Between Luke and I, we have everything covered. If not there’s a little note feature that will alert one of us if you have a question. Which I MIGHT answer from the comfort of my own home.”

Tom stared at the blank screen while you spoke to him. His stern expression not budging. You let out a sigh and rolled your shoulders in an attempt to relieve some of the tension. Most likely part of your “vacation” was going to have to be dedicated to either a doctor’s visit or a trip to a massage therapist.

**This job was too much sometimes.**

He set the iPad down and crossed his arms. Blue eyes again locking onto you with a disapproving look.

**This job was too much most of the time.**

“Who is going to run the website for Tom’s Nut Farm?”

**This job was too much all of the time.**

“I’ll see you in two weeks, Tom,” you didn’t even bother to go over any of the other details that you knew you should have. You made a quick and hasty exit. Not stopping, or even looking back, as he called out numerous 'wait’s.

~

Luke made it two full days before calling you. Honestly, you were impressed. Last time you hadn’t even made it to the airport for your Christmas trip before he had rung you up.

Even though this feat was impressive, you were sorely tempted not to answer. The call buzzed and seemed to pause before you quickly snatched it from the coffee table. You swiped and held the phone up to your face.

“Hello?”

Silence.

Maybe you hadn’t swiped fast enough to answer in time.

You started to bring your hand away so you could check the screen when finally a voice meekly answered back, “Are you enjoying your time off?”

“I was.”

“Right. Well. I need your help.”

“What did he do this time?” you honestly tried hard not to sound smug repeating back Luke’s popular phrase.

“Y/N. I need you to be as discreet as possible…”

~

It was completely safe to say that there was no way Tom had easily found himself out here. Even with the GPS, you had run into problems finding this particular road. So, how long had he been running around naked before getting here?

You slowly brought the car to a stop about a yard or two from him. As Luke had warned you, Tom Hiddleston was naked and still standing in the middle of the road. He had his back to you and his hands on his hips as he looked northbound towards… nothing?

There was absolutely nothing out here.

After rolling your window down you called out, “Tom! Can we talk?”

His head whipped around and an excited grin spread across his face. In no time flat, he jogged over to your car and squatted awkwardly to come face to face with you.

“You’re just in time! I’m trying to do some advertising but I’m having some trouble.”

“Yeah, it looks like it. Why don’t you get in the car and I’ll take you back to your place?"

You thumbed over to the passenger’s side and he seemed to consider it for a moment before resting his arms more comfortably on the window sill of the driver door.

"We really shouldn’t skip out on this prime marketing real estate though.”

You both just stared at each.

“Tom, I don’t even know what that means. People are going to come here and think you’re a crazy person.”

“They will not think that I’m a **nutter**.” His emphasis on the word immediately grabbed your attention.

Tom had started that from the moment you had told him you were taking two weeks. It had started with correcting you on if you were cleaning a ’toilet’ or a ’loo’. Everything you said was corrected to local “slang terms”. You didn’t even believe half of them but didn’t have much proof to go off of so you didn’t make any comment on the issue.

“You clearly need a nap or something. Get in the car and let’s go,” You shoved at his arms to get him off your car and he staggered back a bit. This had probably not been the smartest move as he straightened himself and crossed his arms in his childish manner.

“I don’t need a **kip** , Y/N. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you needed some nut.”

Six months ago, you would have assumed that the final straw would have been him suggesting you needed 'some nut’. In fact, even now, that should have been what made you yell at him. Instead, you had somehow sunk down into this crazy, crazy world and were offended at his continued correcting of your words.

“YOU OBTUSE ASSWIPE! NOT EVERYONE USES THE SAME VOCABULARY! WILL YOU LET IT REST?! YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK IT! I AM CALLING LUKE AND HE CAN PICK YOUR IDIOTIC ASS UP! I QUIT!"

You didn’t even bother to roll your window up before changing the gears from 'park’ to 'drive’ and stomping on the gas.

Since your window was still down you could very clearly hear him yell back, "Don’t you drive away from me! I have a double first! FROM CAMBRIDGE!”

~

You sat silently about a quarter mile down the road.

A sigh escaped you as you realized he would have corrected you that it was kilometers here not miles.

That damn asshole. A glance at the rearview mirror showed his lithe form still slowly getting closer. You knew that he could see you slow down and stop from this distance. What had compelled you to do that was still beyond you.

Again, for some reason, you had sunk down into this wild reality and that seemed to make you rethink your sudden departure.

You really couldn’t leave him out here and you knew if you bothered to ring Luke he would just somehow talk you into trying to get him into the car again. Luke wouldn’t be the one out here trying to wrangle a naked 37-year-old man.

Another glance. He was now close enough that you could make out his features better. His face looked surprisingly calm.

Good, you really weren’t looking for another fight with your client. Drop him off at his house, leave, then call Luke Windsor and turn in your two-week notice. At least most of it would be carried out in the comfort of your flat.

_**Apartment. No. Flat. NO! FUCK! Who cares?!** _

“Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over?”

You rolled your eyes, “Tom, please just get into the vehicle and let’s go.”

He put up no further fight and rounded the car before getting into the passenger seat.

You grabbed a blanket from the back seat and handed it to him. Blue eyes seemed to rove over the blanket before deciding to accept it. He wrapped it around himself before buckling himself in.

The car started moving again and your GPS alerted you to make a U-Turn in the middle of the road.

~

At this point, you’d been sitting silently in the car for over 15 minutes.

The car had also conveniently been parked in his driveway for 15 minutes yet the man made no move to leave.

“Are you really going to quit?”

Finally.

Something to work with here.

You spared a glance at him and turned your head fully when you saw that he was staring at you.

“I’m considering it after today.”

Tom bit his bottom lip nervously while glancing down at his hands briefly. His eyes flicked back towards yours and he said, “What would convince you not to quit?”

Now, this was a good question. A logical question. The best question anyone threatening to put in their two weeks could be asked.

What would make you stay?

**Author's Note:**

> Internet, please have mercy on my soul.  
> Have I apologized yet? No?  
> Then let me start here.  
> I'm so sorry.  
> Seriously.  
> Bye.


End file.
